Speared apple hors d'oeuvres are not called Sebastian Uglows.

Mothers Day is not a time to celebrate the mother of the Mother Of All Bombs.

Annual Nile River flooding never prompted ancient Egyptians to proclaim ‘No hamm, be Hapi!’

Companies named B-2 are seldom promoted in phone books.

One does not receive a Purple Heart from the Purple Navy.

Man buns are neither hot nor crossed.

Few ever realize that fasting does not have to be so slow.

Anxiety and hysteria surrounding “Monday morning” have resulted in some referring to it as “Monday pre-afternoon”

Naumachia was the waste of time by Roman purveyors of omphaloskepsis.

The granddaughter of Slim Goodbody is not the irritable bowel redhead in the Viberzi commercials.

The ancient twin water-bearer constellation did not have figures named Claudia and Marcia.

Yo La Tengo’s ‘Barnaby, Hardly Working’ was not the rejected theme of 'Midsomer Murders’.

The buckle on the front of pilgrims hats was never swashed.

Faster stitching never saved a dozen of anything.

Brioche was not one of the seven founder saints of Brittany.