Islands Ihr and Wir are not found on the far side of the moon.

Royal Welch's Juice was never protected by fusiliers.

Candle salad and Candleshoe are not conjoined Monopoly pieces.

The Three Stodges in British culinary comedy were Blackeyed Susan, Spotted Dick, and Steamed Pud.

The ISO never seriously considered renaming the number "five" to "fiver" so the number of letters in the word matched its actual value.

Sam Jones did not appear in commercials having a quaff of Schwupp beer.

Pig Zois is not a Greecian souvlaki recipe.

Cases and Controversies are not part of the angelic hierarchy in the Church of the SubGenius.

Edward Whymper never ascended the Lamellenhelm.

Strangely repulsive occurances during the reign of Welf III are not celebrated on National Bavarian Creep Day.

The Gospel of Thomas did not prophesy that the Rolling Stones would minister the masses.

Peter Cushing did not suffer from Hyperadrenocorticism.

No bishop of Crozier Island ever revealed staff infection.

There are no funkadelic rooks - in chess or anywhere else.

Tragus was not the Roman slave who did not "lend his ears" during Mark Antony's famous speech.

Few are told to go spell March 16 in other languages.

Nothing good is ever interred with bone spurs.

Superb banquets of orange Julius, Caesar salads, and etouffee, Brutus, are seldom enjoyed.

The fourth sheik faltered when found food fixed infirmities.

The fifth sheik's flock fled farther from the flu.

The sixth sheik's seventh sheep succumbed to sepsis.

Blaster's universe was not bound together by rubber bands.

Veritably Clean is not a descendant of Cleanthes.

Bel's dragon was not named Sebastian.

Collecting and eating Liverpudlian scouse is not a lobby hobby.

Amber alerts are not a form of spoiler alert.

Cold dogs can go in hot dog buns, too.

March 4 has never jokingly been converted to DCID in Roman Numerals.

No comic sans baptismal font boasts the phrase "nipson anomēmata".

The Pope Lick Monster has not been addressed at any ecumenical council.

Ixionage is not a form of cloud seeding.